Consent causing Confusion ©

Consent causing Confusion

Nathalie Sturgeon ©

                       

Consent is sexy? Try confusing. A video from St. Mary’s university was posted on Instagram, where students chanted “Y is for your sister, O is for oh so tight,  U is for underage, and N is for no consent  G is for grab that ass.” and “Saint Mary’s boys we like em’ young.” Universities in Fredericton have been promoting the idea of consent, the catch phrase is that “consent is sexy.” The problem is, the idea of consent is not well understood.

“Consent is largely misunderstood due to the fact it has not been a part of our conversation until recently,” said Maggie Crain, Fredericton Sexual Assault Center counsellor. Crain says that consent is not a conversation that should happen just before sex but rather a continual respect that follows through the act of intercourse. The centre is launching an education campaign to try to clear up the confusion.

“When people in a relationship, or hook up, have different ideas of how the night will go, awkward situations can arise,” said Sam Titus, a St. Thomas University student. “Which I find unfortunate since it can be so simple to just ask, but most people are too uncomfortable to just ask,” said STU student Sam Titus.

“The confusion is probably situational, like if someone is drunk, that’s probably where consent gets confusing,” says STU student Rebecca Bonner.

“Consent is in some situations grey, unclear. It should be black and white, but it’s not,” said UNB student Nicholas Richard.

As the year creeps on, more and more students find themselves in situations that can at best be regrettable and at worst dangerous. “Consent is not a case by case thing, consent is always there always needs to be obtained,” said Crain.

Misconceptions abound in popular media. The husband of Melissa Gorga from the television show Real Housewives said this about what women want: “Men, I know you think your woman isn’t the type who wants to be taken. But trust me, she is. Every girl wants to her hair pulled once in awhile. If your wife says ‘no’ turn her around and rip her clothes off. She wants to be dominated.”

When asked by the host the day-time talk show Bethenny if she ever denies him in bed he says “she fights it, but I always win.”

 “Consent is sexy” is a way to catch students’ eye and start a dialogue. However STU third year student Megan Doucet says “It has not told me much about consent.”

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 “In essence, it needs to be engrained into the mainstream dialogue to the point where it is common knowledge and not confusing,” said Crain. Promoting things like the Dating Basics program, a program that teaches university students about a variety of things concerning consent and sex, have been put in place by a coordinator at UNB. The FSACC is planning on asking students at the three universities in Fredericton to participate in a video about consent. The aim of this video is to clear the smoke surrounding this issue.

Crain suggested that universities should give a mandatory tutorial to all first year students entering into university. 

The FSACC isn’t just targeting university students. A program tailored to female students in grade 8 in Fredericton has been in place for numerous years. As well, grade 10 female students are also given this empowerment program with more tough explicit language. FSACC is now aiming to pilot a male program facilitated in the same way except by a male counsellor.

In some situations students feel the pressure to perform or be ridiculed. The fear of disappointment can sometimes cloud the idea that consent is what really is important. “Of course, men don’t want to disappoint their partner’s by appearing “soft” or non-powerful in the bedroom, and women don’t want to disappoint their partners by not going through whatever activity they want to do, even if they are nervous or uncomfortable,” said Crain.