Enough!

Life can get pretty messy - so can the weather apparently. It can get screwed up, it can switch from good to bad in the blink of an eye. Which is unfortunate in many ways.

Recently I thought, (a revolutionary concept, I swear), when is enough really enough. Is is after you've just put yourself in a constant struggle each day? Is it when you crash physical? Is it when everything in sight seems endlessly hopeless and with no actually sense of change coming your way? Oh boy do I wish I know. I wish I knew when it comes to say "I deserve better" I could do it. But it seems clear, I can't.

Deserve better? There is something that says "we accept what we think what we deserve" but if what you think you deserve is a struggle each day, then lets nip this in the butt now. No one who is able minded need be bound by one thing or another. We are free in the sense that what we want and what we deserve can be the exact same thing. If you want a nice pair of shoes and if you have worked hard for the money for them - buy them. Why? Because you deserve it.

We are victim to classic denial. We deny the things we want to ignore because for a split second to feel good about ourselves. We make excuses for the reasons we do things.

1. They are nice to me.
2. They make me feel pretty/good/happy.
3. When I'm around them I can actually be myself.
4. They aren't judging me like every one else.

Those are just a few I'm sure has crossed almost everyone's mind when in a situation with someone. But here is the thing. Plenty of people will be nice to you, and if they're not, they you probably shouldn't be around them. Here is brilliant idea - make yourself feel pretty/good/happy. No one should need anyone else to give them a sense of any one of those things. It's almost like you're asking for pity, and in my opinion you're being lazy. Being yourself? Well, I'm pretty sure you are always yourself - so shit or get off the pot on this one.

And maybe this is pessimistic (such is my natural state) but everyone is judging you. Even the ones you love. For a number of reasons. Whether you fulfilled what they expected of you. Or if you don't wear the brand names they do. Or if you talk and act a certain way. There is always a sense of judgment, because we are human beings and we judge. Simple as that. So don't expect him/her not to judge you.

The fact of the matter is and I'm feeling how blunt this post is but when you've played yourself out both mentally and physical it would make sense that the right word to use at this time is: enough.

~ N