Choices.

Over the few past days sitting by myself, I've been thinking - holy shit there is an idea...

It came across my mind about choices. Again.

It appears I make a lot of those whether they are well informed or not. Like when I order a burger I've never tried that I've paid 20$ for and I realized I hated it. Those choices are completely irrelevant as you can wash it down with soda pop you paid an extra four dollars for. But, it, is much more worth it.

I guess that making choices whether they be wrong or right are in fact part of growing up. (There is a clear and distinct difference here between learning from them or repeating them, clearly one is worse then the other). All this choices non-sense comes around when you sit alone for hours with no one to talk to except your dog, who, occasionally farts to allow you the sense he is listening but doesn't really give a shit - that's punny. And what would he know about choices, he eats everything. Well, except ketchup chips.

But how do we know if we've made the right ones? Is it long after we've made them when some reminds you of your past. Or should you know instantly the minute it happens? Or do you know the minute the words fly out of your mouth like word vomit, or the minute your brain decides to chose between one thing or the other, that it is wrong. But if that is the case, do you still make the choice? Or is there no option? Is the choice to do something completely inevitable. And what are you doing exactly? Who is effected? When you choose to leave someone, or choose to buy that other dress instead of the one you originally wanted, or change your mind about the course selection at your university, or rather second guess the university you're attending? What then is the 'right' choice? Is there even one?

I don't know the answers to these questions or I would tell you. When you think about things in the larger scale, what is the right choice? What is the right answer? Who is that person that just stared awkwardly at me, do they know me? Lets avoid eye contact and hope not. Then again, are choices emotionally triggered or biologically? Is one more powerful then the other? Which says no when you're about to make the wrong choice, or does either one speak up? Who knows, right?

So, is it really a wrong choice if you don't know what the mechanical working of a choice. Or is it just cut and dry, is it just a choice? You make it and that's the end. You can't substitute or go back, or find out whether in fact you were wrong or right. It's scary to think partially that things we do or the choices we may have made or make in the future may completely be out of our control. Rather, maybe they have simply been a subconscious desire we have yet to unmask and we are aware from the very start what choices we've made.

Choices...

~ N