Positive

I feel like I've really abandoned you all. But lately I've been busy finish my first year of university, can you believe that? I can't. Time flies so fast.

I've been in the midst of finish school think about choice I've made - ones I shouldn't have made. But we've all made those.

I will leave you with a positive post that might brighten up your day until I can come back full time!

We're Here, We're Poor, We Can't Pay Anymore!

I feel like a stranger! But I'm back to detail a cause I have a firm belief in. Tuition hikes on university students. I, in surveying several universities and examining their prices, I settled on one which a classic renowned journalism program with seemingly low tuition cost then most other universities.

One of my application fees for applying was 250$ and that was merely to get an acceptance or decline. Could you even begin to imagine what it would cost for a full-years tuition?

So, in light of news from my current university who claims as they recruit their students that they in fact have low tuition in our province.  Which is fact they do. But, they won't. Our school being a liberal arts school is seriously underfunded by our provincial government. We get like 80% of what other university in our province get. Which is unfair to say the least.

As a result of that our university decided to inform us that they are in fact hiking our tuition fees. All is well, right? Shut up and take the un-afforable hike. My fellow students and I said no. We protested as STUdents against STUition.

Is it fair to send already worked to the bone students into further debt because our government lacks the faith in liberal arts students and their prospects of jobs in our seemingly critical world? No!

Should it be fair that students who work 45 hours at school and on top of that work a part time job because the funds they have already don't cover the cost for education.

Financial means should NOT be a boundary to education.

Whose campus? Our campus!

~ N 

A Day

I'm a very disappointing blogger. I haven't managed to update my quotes pages in days. And a few days ago I gave a very sparse elusive version of a normal blog post. Hm, what's wrong with me you ask? Life.

...Well, maybe that is a bit dramatic. But in general, life took a dump on my head. Every once and awhile it has to make a bowel movement on someones head, right, RIGHT?

Honestly, in losing something we always feel a bit on the damper side for awhile. It's natural. So instead of being so dramatic, I'll simply say that life, took a turn sharp to the left away from my intended plans. (I believe I covered this topic in an earlier blog post)

After crying on public transit and stuffing my face with bagels, strawberries, rice and chow mein, I've discovered food is seriously not the answer to life altering questions (or depression as we folk like to call it, it makes you fat, seriously no joke.)

Instead, I figured I would solve more minute problems. Like that fact my pencil case has gone missing completely. How...I don't even know. So I went to Wal-Mart for all things handy and got myself some pens, pencils and a pencil case I hope I won't lose - lets all pray for a miracle guys!

A new store opened recently in our mall called Teavana. This place is almost equilvant to Starbucks or H&M in my books. I have not only an obsession for dresses but an obsession for tea. And china - tea cups. So this place is ideally - perfect.

I did my nails as well in an effort to make myself feel better!

And nothing feels better when you're down in the dumps then laying in a nice warm bed.

~ N 

New Start!

These days have become vastly fuzzy for me. Reason I wish not to disclose.

But, I just wanted to update you on the days of my life. (not that it is all that interesting!)

However, I've started the gym and a fitness routine. And I've been very successful.

I've lost some weight. And seemingly building some muscle. (double bonus!) I've been trying to eat more healthy, vegetables.
I'm also considering a vegan diet. (strictly chicken and fish), however I'm not sure that my parents entirely meat stricken would cook me the things that pertain to a vegan life style. I will see how this goes (wish me luck)

Other then that, it's been work as usual. Or rather lack there of. I've done nothing but sleep all weekend. These are the unhealthy behaviors I really need to get rid of.  Wish me luck!

Share your stories if you have some!

Enough!

Life can get pretty messy - so can the weather apparently. It can get screwed up, it can switch from good to bad in the blink of an eye. Which is unfortunate in many ways.

Recently I thought, (a revolutionary concept, I swear), when is enough really enough. Is is after you've just put yourself in a constant struggle each day? Is it when you crash physical? Is it when everything in sight seems endlessly hopeless and with no actually sense of change coming your way? Oh boy do I wish I know. I wish I knew when it comes to say "I deserve better" I could do it. But it seems clear, I can't.

Deserve better? There is something that says "we accept what we think what we deserve" but if what you think you deserve is a struggle each day, then lets nip this in the butt now. No one who is able minded need be bound by one thing or another. We are free in the sense that what we want and what we deserve can be the exact same thing. If you want a nice pair of shoes and if you have worked hard for the money for them - buy them. Why? Because you deserve it.

We are victim to classic denial. We deny the things we want to ignore because for a split second to feel good about ourselves. We make excuses for the reasons we do things.

1. They are nice to me.
2. They make me feel pretty/good/happy.
3. When I'm around them I can actually be myself.
4. They aren't judging me like every one else.

Those are just a few I'm sure has crossed almost everyone's mind when in a situation with someone. But here is the thing. Plenty of people will be nice to you, and if they're not, they you probably shouldn't be around them. Here is brilliant idea - make yourself feel pretty/good/happy. No one should need anyone else to give them a sense of any one of those things. It's almost like you're asking for pity, and in my opinion you're being lazy. Being yourself? Well, I'm pretty sure you are always yourself - so shit or get off the pot on this one.

And maybe this is pessimistic (such is my natural state) but everyone is judging you. Even the ones you love. For a number of reasons. Whether you fulfilled what they expected of you. Or if you don't wear the brand names they do. Or if you talk and act a certain way. There is always a sense of judgment, because we are human beings and we judge. Simple as that. So don't expect him/her not to judge you.

The fact of the matter is and I'm feeling how blunt this post is but when you've played yourself out both mentally and physical it would make sense that the right word to use at this time is: enough.

~ N 

La Musique

Today, I'm writing to you short and sweet.

A music suggestion - or two

Such a great song!

And...

~ N 

Let The Chips Fall Where They May

There is an old saying that goes a little like "let the chips fall where they may", that is to say let things happen as they come. People all over are constantly forcing things to happen. Whether it be an advance in their career, and advance in the race, and advance in sex or a relationship. It's always something I suppose.

But why? Recently, I've been a culprit of such a crime. Forcing things in my life to happen way before they are meant to happen. And I have discovered that that is how things in any situation get ruined. People who force things in the work place usually end up miserable because they have made themselves miserable trying to get some where that with the right amount of work might have ended up there anyway.

Is it really worth being miserable over? How about relationships - friendships even. When you make some do something or force them faster then they are ready, they fall apart. Yep, that's right they do, and there isn't anyone reading this right now that doesn't know that fact is just plain...fact. It's something that is part of daily function though. With wants comes the need to have it, so if we can't have it naturally, we force it.

I'm just curious, why? Why is forcing things such a big part of every day life? (Or am I seriously just speaking to a person audience, that person being me.) Why can't we just leave what is good alone? Are we just so self-absorbed we can't see the needs and wants of someone else? That maybe in everyone's rush to force something they passed a stranger that could change their lives. They say don't blink - you'll miss it. The same thing applies to people trying to force things. And in lieu of my own sound advice and experience, don't force it - you'll lose it.

It is safe to say that from day to day things happen. Forced or not. But lets all try each new day to force less things and as I said in the beginning - let the chips fall where they may.

~ N 

Bright Lights, Big City

I'm finally back in the city. It's quite but in some ways that's the best part!

Be checking in with you all soon.

~ N 

Fashion Tips!

Because I can't sleep, I will do a post on favorite ideas for fashion. These are the ideas that pop into my head and 12:39 at night.

Like suggested one of my several tabs - I like dresses.

So for a trendy style. Something that has recently become far more popular, a high-low dress paired with a platform heel.

If, unlike me, you don't love dresses and have a thing for jeans and a nice shirt. Pair a colour pair of jeans with large loose shirt, with a heel ankle boot. (you can always pair this combination with a stylish black flat.)

A pair of color jeans and the right heel can always make any occasion stand out.

Next - a color assemble. It is always good to pair and match various parts of your close. Purse match the color of the blazer and paired with a nice light wash jeans. Nice light colors are always nice during spring, and darker colors are more preferable in the winter.

Since I'm such a dress fanatic it would only make sense that this must have list of some particular fashion items would include a wide variety of dresses. It will!

A girl is never quite complete without a little black dress, and I'm sure we all have one that we take out for a special occasion. Or in my case more then one.

This dress I absolutely loved when I saw it! Paired with a lovely colorful shoe. It can add a hint of something on top of the secret allure of a black dress.

The belt although not needed is also a flattering accessory! It might also be a good idea to pair this with a color corresponding clutch to one in your shoe. (helpful hint)

Also, a dress with a pop of color, or in any case alot of color is very nice. This nearly mint green dress works great paired a gray pump works great!

I'll leave these suggestions with all of you! Mix and match. And never be afraid to dress, how will we say it - out of the box!

More to come!

~ N 

Where Am I?

How did we end up here?

What path did we cross to get the position we're in? Was it God and faith? Was it another source from which you draw your cosmic reason? I'm not sure. I find myself wondering exactly how I got here to this moment. Sitting on a very old, tiny and possibly used mattress. How did my life bring me here?

I won't share the struggles of my past, lets face it you don't have all your life to sit here and read it. But I will tell I've had my share. And I'd like to think that each one of them made a bit stronger each time. Maybe they didn't and in order to make some semblance of confidence in a seemingly confidence free life they told me I was strong. Whatever it is, I'm sure the struggles were for A reason.

But what exact one brought me here? I'm sure a series of them, not just a singular event. My mothers abandonment, the demise of my foster family, or meeting the parents I have now, who knows? I sure as hell don't. I think that when something tragic (which may be a tad on the dramatic side) happens we are simply forced to change courses and we eventually end up somewhere else. And like always, it is some where we never thought we would be. I never thought that at 19, I would have not a single shred of hope of a for-sure career, mentally fucked and the attention span of an 85 year old women who has a degenerating memory (it is hopeful that at nineteen I maintain my memory for the foreseeable future). I find myself most days just wanting to lay down. Cuddle in with a blanket and sleep. The world outside will still be there tomorrow. But, it normally does work out that way.

I normally say those exact motivating words day after day after day. I think I'm in a rut as people call it. Stuck wanting the same thing over and over, and afraid of the idea that something changing might in fact, instead of what I fear that it being bad, that it might be good. That sometimes a shuffle in the line-up doesn't mean you're destroying what you have, it simply means, you are changing the order in how they appear in your life.

That certainly applies to most things: people, jobs, university classes, friends. Never assure yourself to one thing because at the end of the day, you'll find yourself standing alone. Because they unlike you have already discovered what I'm telling you now. They weren't waiting for the predictable or the nice. They ARE looking for the fun, the exciting, the adventurous. And though you may be subsequently be completely and wonderfully comfortable in the thing that is the most familiar. You might in fact be better off being uncomfortable and seeing what is outside the old, small, and slightly used bed you are sitting on. I won't use the classic cliche. It isn't worth sugar coating anything.

Hobbes said, "...life is short, brutish, poor, nasty" (this could be very wrong, I apologize, maybe my memory is going) and I think he was on to something. However, he doesn't have to be. I think when you hit a rut like might, stick your nose into something less familiar, even if it as small as choosing a different kind of coffee from your favorite coffee vendor and see where you end up.

~ N 

Some Jeff Buckley -

Music is acquired taste. People like different styles of music.

So, I will leave a suggestion for you all to listen to.

Enjoy - originally written by Leonard Cohen.

~ N 

Choices.

Over the few past days sitting by myself, I've been thinking - holy shit there is an idea...

It came across my mind about choices. Again.

It appears I make a lot of those whether they are well informed or not. Like when I order a burger I've never tried that I've paid 20$ for and I realized I hated it. Those choices are completely irrelevant as you can wash it down with soda pop you paid an extra four dollars for. But, it, is much more worth it.

I guess that making choices whether they be wrong or right are in fact part of growing up. (There is a clear and distinct difference here between learning from them or repeating them, clearly one is worse then the other). All this choices non-sense comes around when you sit alone for hours with no one to talk to except your dog, who, occasionally farts to allow you the sense he is listening but doesn't really give a shit - that's punny. And what would he know about choices, he eats everything. Well, except ketchup chips.

But how do we know if we've made the right ones? Is it long after we've made them when some reminds you of your past. Or should you know instantly the minute it happens? Or do you know the minute the words fly out of your mouth like word vomit, or the minute your brain decides to chose between one thing or the other, that it is wrong. But if that is the case, do you still make the choice? Or is there no option? Is the choice to do something completely inevitable. And what are you doing exactly? Who is effected? When you choose to leave someone, or choose to buy that other dress instead of the one you originally wanted, or change your mind about the course selection at your university, or rather second guess the university you're attending? What then is the 'right' choice? Is there even one?

I don't know the answers to these questions or I would tell you. When you think about things in the larger scale, what is the right choice? What is the right answer? Who is that person that just stared awkwardly at me, do they know me? Lets avoid eye contact and hope not. Then again, are choices emotionally triggered or biologically? Is one more powerful then the other? Which says no when you're about to make the wrong choice, or does either one speak up? Who knows, right?

So, is it really a wrong choice if you don't know what the mechanical working of a choice. Or is it just cut and dry, is it just a choice? You make it and that's the end. You can't substitute or go back, or find out whether in fact you were wrong or right. It's scary to think partially that things we do or the choices we may have made or make in the future may completely be out of our control. Rather, maybe they have simply been a subconscious desire we have yet to unmask and we are aware from the very start what choices we've made.

Choices...

~ N 

New Hair

One of the things I do quite chronically is dye my hair. I've always had my hair brown, a darkish brown. However, after graduation and prom I decided I wanted a change.

I died my hair maroon red.

And then a bright violet.

And now my hair is the mist beautiful shade of red, copper.

Never be afraid to change something - especially the colour of your hair.

 ~ N 

Fun, fun.

So far March break has been hectic. I've already been up at the ungodly hour of 8 a.m., went to the doctor and had lunch successfully.
Unfortunately, the doctors visit came with more prescriptions.

Since I've been home, I've completed two assignments, out of three. Plus studying, but "ain't nobody got time for that"

I watched my favorite hockey teams lose. But then win!

They know hold the top place in their conference. Hint: My favorite team is the Montreal Canadians.

I went for two trips to town. Which surprisingly wasn't as fun as it used to be. Could be the transition from big city life (or what I consider a big city) back to the middle of no where. Well, we have a Wal-Mart, hell yeah!

Treats are always the best thing.

I watched more and more Sex and The City! Carrie Bradshaw has about the same love for shoes that I do. Except, there is one problem! I lack the brand names she has. I've also recently discovered that Cynthia Nixon a.k.a. Miranda Hobbes is married to a woman! YAY! So proud.

I went out for lunch with Mom today after my doctors appointment, to a restaurant I have never been to before today. Relish!
It was delicious, and there was plenty of it. The burger was fabulous. And was subsequently entitled "The Big Texas" - I'm not sure why but that made me giggle.

Tomorrow, I'm going to get my hair cut dyed and cut, FINALLY! It's been awhile and my roots are showing. Say hello to my inner diva, bloggers.

That's all for now.

~ N 

Home

Well, I regret to inform all of you, I'm on my "March Break/Reading Week" which means I've vacated the confines of the city and came back to my grass roots. Back to the homestead.

I will be busy between doctors appointments, handing out resumes, hair appointments, school work and family that my blog will be very sparse over this next week.

I will commit to one final post, that will gather together my entire "March Break/Reading Week"

Hopefully, in a few short days, I will return to your avid attention.

See you!

 ~ N 

Blah Blah Blah

It's a new day, guys.

*insert "no shit Sherlock phrase here*

I'm sitting in my luke warm apartment waiting for the hour/car/minute I'll be heading home. To my parent and dog home! I'm beyond excited.

Last night though, being who I am, I craved Chinese take out. Which is highly unusual but surprisingly rewarding for my stomach. Chicken chow mien and chicken fried rice. I contemplated Wong Ton soup, but Wong tons are an acquired tasted, and not every place can actually make a good Wong ton.

Something odd, I prefer deep fried Wong Tons. No lie, guess that has to do with the seriously unhealthy food I eat.

Take from the restaurant outside my apartment Mandarin Palace . A very lovely place, and excellent service.

Afterwards, I am still sick after nearly three weeks, I felt the need to pamper myself. I had a nice tub full of bubbles and water bubble bath.

Then I painted my nails. To make me feel good. And, laying down that night was very peaceful.

Today, since I didn't finish this post yesterday, I'm heading to home sweet home. And I could be more excited.

I'm dressed and ready to feel the comforts of home!

~ N